Secrets and Sacrifices
by Offcentercompass
Summary: Set 10 years after the fall of The Dark Lord, Ginny walks in on Hermione with someone other than Ron and the conversation that ensues. Character study, Angst


Hi. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I know it won't be to everyones taste, but the idea came to me so I jotted it down. It is a one shot/drabble.

It has implied sexual content so is rated Mature just to be safe.

Enjoy!

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Ginny walked down the path to her brother's house, carefully carrying the cake she had made and decorated for him. He was away, but she wanted him to know she had remembered, and it would be waiting for him when he returned this evening.

Ron hadn't changed, he was still ruled by his stomach. Ginny had to laugh, they had grown up in a small house, too many siblings fighting and arguing, but somehow they had managed not to kill each other. They had all grown up to respect each other, and having both lost a brother to what was now referred to as, "Voldemort's final stand" they were probably closer as grief had bonded them in a way sharing a room never had. Ginny still thought about that loss, and how it pulled at her heart, but it had been ten years and life moved on. Both she and Ron were married, she had children. Her parents were sad, it was a look deep in their eyes, but even they realised they had been lucky to only lose one child. Whole families had disappeared or been destroyed, having to only visit one grave was counted as a blessing.

Ginny waved her hand over the door lock, family were always welcome and the door swung inwards to her touch. What greeted her was completely unexpected, she had expected the house to be empty, but she could hear someone just out of sight in the sitting room.

"God, yes, just there!" The woman's voice carried in the quiet of the still house, even as it was gasped huskily. Ginny had 2 children, she wasn't naive, she knew the husky tone to the voice and could pick up the smell of sex in the air. Had she walked in on Ron being given his birthday present? Her face flushed, but as she heard a man gasp followed by a moan, and she realised it wasn't her brother she was hearing.

She put the cake down on the kitchen counter and decided quickly this was none of her concern. Of course it was her concern, Ron was her brother, but right now she wasn't brave enough to interrupt. Turning to leave her foot got caught on a pile of books, and they feel thumping to the floor. Ginny would have laughed that even in the kitchen Hermione managed to reflect her studious nature if said woman wasn't currently striding towards her in just a button up shirt. A button up shirt that only had 2 buttons done up and even they weren't lined up to the correct holes. Ginny could see the flush on her breasts from the exertion and dropped her eyes. Immediately wishing she hadn't as her sister in law obviously had no underwear on and the shirt barely covered anything.

"Hi" it came out strangled from her mouth, and she cast her eyes frantically round the kitchen, looking anywhere but at Hermoine. "just dropped Ron his birthday cake" she emphasized by waving her hand over the gaudy icing.

"Ginny..." Hermione tried to start a conversation, that both of them knew would be uncomfortable. Both knew there was no denying what was going on.

"Look it's none of my business" the red head tried to walk round the other woman, but she stood in her way, raising her hands and placing them on tense shoulders. "Ginny, I'm sorry you had to find out like that."

Ginny looked at the messy hair, the smudged lip stick, and the lust blown eyes, it felt awkward seeing how close to finishing Hermione must have been.

"Who is it? Actually, never mind, I meant it, whatever is going on in your marriage is exactly that. Your marriage, your business. We'll forget I was here." And Ginny meant it, because Hermione had been her friend before she became family and Hermione wasn't the only one with secrets and Ginny didn't want to push her to see what she might know and might say about that night many years ago. The one Ginny had never spoken to anyone about, but Hermione had walked in the morning after and found her downstairs in the common room at 4am, a face full of guilt, starring at the fireplace distractedly. Her now Sister-in-law knew something big had happened but had never asked about it and never told. For that reason, that trust, Ginny would walk away now. She pushed her way past Hermione and actually got halfway down the path before a much more dressed, calm and put together witch of a sister-in-law materialism in front of her. Sometimes magic could do wonderful things, like quickly dressing yourself and correcting your appearance after a strenuous session of love making. Oh and teleporting yourself into Ginny's way, so the escape she really wanted was becoming harder and harder.

Dropping her head Ginny couldn't look at her, but the older woman opened her mouth and spoke anyway. "I think I owe you an explanation. Draco's gone now, please come back?"

Draco, the word caused the red head to snap upright. Malfoy, really? "Ginny, don't walk away, i think this conversation has been long overdue."

Ginny sighed, Hermione was right, she needed the truth before she could understand, although she failed to see what excuse there might be for cheating on her brother. But Hermione was her friend too, and she nodded her agreement to at least hear the other woman's side of it.

They entered the house together, both trying to ignore how awkward they felt. Hermione lead them to the kitchen table and put the kettle on with a flick of her wrist. 2 cups walked along the counter, one of the benefits of being family meaning Ginny didn't have to say how she took her tea. It was like a million times before, only now the two women would be having the most bizarre conversation either had entered into.

Hermione placed the cup in front of her, "Aren't you going to say anything?" and she leaned back against the counter, a forced smile on her features.

"Why? How long? Does Ron know?" The questions came tumbling out, each asked with a hurt, angry, short tone, her face scrunching with confusion and lips turning down in sadness.

"No Ron doesn't know. And for two years now." Ginny took a breath, hissing in her surprise that this was a long term thing

"How can Ron not know if it has been going on that long?" She couldn't keep the incredulous tone from her voice.

Hermione sighed. "He trusts me completely and I think blinds himself to my faults. We are discreet too, Draco isn't doing this to hurt Ron or Harry. It just happened."

Ginny wanted to say that things like that didn't just happen but she knew from personal experience that they often did.

"I never wanted to hurt Ron," Hermione continued, "You have to believe that. I love him, but things are never black and white. My actions aren't defensible, I'm not going to try. All I want is to explain."

"Do you love Draco?"

"Yes, that's the problem. This isn't just sex, that's why we both feel so conflicted when we are together. We know it is wrong, and we have tried to ignore the attraction and can't." Hermione sighed, swirling her tea in the cup.

"You love Draco? But not like you love Ron?"

"I love Ron like he's my best friend. I have spent years supporting him to do better, work harder, progress in his job, we talk for hours, share lots of similar experiences and interests. We both love the kids and they bond us. But I think we made a mistake marrying. Because for all we have, it isn't passionate. Our life has become dull, fallen into a repetitive pattern. He's oblivious of me and my behaviour, he's not jealous of other men, he leaves me alone for weeks when his job is demanding. There's no spark like there should be, I have more chemistry with you than I do with him!" Hermione laughed until she saw the look that flitted across Ginny's face at her last remark. She cleared her throat and smiled at the younger woman opposite her.

"And it's passionate with Malfoy?"

"Draco sees me for me. Not a wife, not a mother, not a studious witch who is determined enough to perfect any spell, not an aunty or Harry Potters friend who helped defeat Voldemort. He sees me as a woman, he senses my need to be free of the past because he is struggling himself. He wants nothing but a fresh start away from the sins and crimes his father committed, his family and their murderous streak. His past weighs him down like mine does, but when we are alone together there is only us. We are all that matters, the past is just that and doesn't define us."

"So you are saying Draco understands you better than Ron? A boy you punched for calling you a mudblood, a young man who was tasked with killing Dumbledore, a man whose family hate you and your kind and tried with all their power to extinguish them? You trust him?" Ginny raised an eyebrow at her friend.

"Yes, I do." Hermione held her gaze and Ginny didn't understand how she could show forgiveness like that to Malfoy. Certainly it had been agreed Draco had been manipulated by his father and The Dark Lord and he had escaped prosecution. His father had taken the family's shame and been punished, locked away . But to trust him, to pick him over Ron? Ron who was kind, courageous, loyal, none of the traits Malfoy had ever shown while they were growing up at Hogwarts.

Hermione continued, "He apologised for his behaviour, for all of his nasty and weak minded comments. It was just his apology contain more heated kisses and gripping hands, soft touches, whispered desires. He had been denying the attraction for years, masking it in hate. His fear of his father driving him, he lied to himself and hid behind the anger. His life was full of hate, negativity and I do believe his family would never forgive him if they found out he had feelings for someone who was less than a pure blood. I believed he was finally being honest and my body responded to his even when I knew in my head it was weakness."

"Are you planning on leaving Ron?"

"I don't know. This isn't fair to anyone and I understand that, I just don't know how to put it right. You're the only person who knows, and I don't expect you to do anything other than listen. I can't find the answer in a book, I can't talk to my best friend about it and I feel lost. I'm not proud of what I'm doing, I made a vow to be faithful that I realise I'm breaking every day. It's also a terrible example to set the children if we get caught."

"Why are you telling me this, you could have let me walk away. I may be his sister, but I gave you my word, I would have kept your secret."

"Because I think you might understand." Eyes locked over the table and Hermione licked her lips before continuing, "I watch you sometimes when you and Harry visit. I watch you disconnect from him, you have grown good at covering it, it takes someone who is unhappy in a marriage to know one."

"I'm not unhappy." Ginny defended.

"Maybe unhappy is too strong, but like me, you're conflicted. What is it that bothers you Ginny? I've bared my secrets, and you've listened and tried not to judge for which I'm really grateful. Let me do the same for you? I think you've been carrying this around with you for a very long time, sharing might help?"

Ginny ran a hand down her face, and she drained her tea, trying to ignore the stinging behind her eyes. "It sounds so ungrateful." she finally whispered.

Hermione just stayed silent, her arms at her sides, throughout the whole interaction she had been open, her body language was now a complete juxtaposition to Ginny who was tensing up and crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

"I'm not going to judge. Honestly." she tried to smile but Ginny had dropped her head to the table top and couldn't see it so she walked over a place her hand on the redheads arm, offering her some comfort.

"I'm married to Harry Potter, he is like wizarding royalty" came the muffled response from the table top. "How can I not be content with him? He is a good man, a brilliant father, he saved my life in the chamber and then everyone elses when he stood up to The Dark Lord, I should love him without question."

"But you don't?"

"I think I love him like you love Ron. I think I got distracted with a hero worship complex after he saved me from the basilisk. And then my parents were so happy we were together, living under the threat of imminent death pulled at all our emotions and distorted things. Then everything was mixed up when Fred died, he was a there for me, solid, dependable. He knew the grief from his lost parents and later Dumbledore. Looking back all happened so quickly."

"You know Dumbledore has a lot he is responsible for." Hermione had a bitter note to her voice and a hardness in her eyes

"Sorry? Dumbledore?" There was confusion written under a red fringe.

"I know that The Dark Lord was the reason we fought, but we were ALL manipulated by Dumbledore. I know Harry worshipped the man and you have a son named after him. I can't deny the man was the best wizard of his generation and was very clever, but he also used people, placing them like chess pieces. He destroyed our childhoods Ginny. You included. I know we live in a magical world, but even you have to admit it isn't normal for an eleven year old to have to fight a demonic diary and worry about being eaten by the biggest snake known to man. And Dumbledore knew, more often than not, what was happening but he LET it, because he needed Harry to grow up and be confident and strong. He needed to tease Voldemort out and he used children to do it. None of us had the chance to relax, to form proper relationships because everything we did was under pressure. Pressure that _man_ " she spat the word, her anger at the dead professor rising "could have sheltered us from. He was entrusted as Headmaster with our care. Keeping us alive isn't the same. Putting us in harms way repeatedly should have been considered a gross dereliction of his job."

Hermione put her hands on the table and ducked her head, blowing out through her mouth. Ginny had seen the tears in her eyes. "He had his own agenda, and didn't share it. He let innocent people die, all I can be grateful for was that it wasn't us."

Ginny just nodded, she didn't want to, but she did see Hermione's point. All four of them in this mini family had spent their time at Hogwarts playing a game of someone else creation. As children they thought they had been happy and been in control, but with hindsight Ginny could look back and see it wasn't a standard childhood, even for magical kids. At least their children had been able to play and learn at a natural pace, without the fear they had all known.

"I'm sorry I got angry" Hermione tried to diffuse the tension," I just get frustrated, especially as Ron won't listen to any more Anti-Dumbledore speeches and Harry, well I wouldn't even bother wasting my breath!" she tried to shrug. "I think if we hadn't kept getting thrown into dangerous situations, Ron and I might have realised we were just friends. I think without this crazy life, we would have dated for a few months and realised we were better as friends. We wouldn't have been so scared of losing and rushed into getting married. I know that isn't just Dumbledore's fault, and I know we can't change it, i just wish sometimes it was different."

"I understand the pressure you felt, your right about it creating intense feelings and all of us being afraid to lose. I, I made decisions I'm not proud of, decisions I'm not sure why I made them now..."

"What happened that morning Ginny?" Hermione's voice was soft. "You'd obviously been sat there for hours and hadn't slept. I didn't ask then, I ignored my responsibility as Head of House, you were clearly upset and I should have offered to help."

Ginny laughed, it was a bitter sound, not a warm note to it, "You couldn't have helped."

"Maybe not, but I could have listened. You were bothered by something and I chose to ignore it. That's not what friends do even if I wasn't Head of House and meant to be concerned for all the Gryffindor's wellbeing."

"You were doing a great job as Head of House." the red head argued, it was a deflection, a break in the conversation about Ginny's secret, but Hermione allowed it.

"i came back to help rebuild the school. We were doing well too. I know Professor McGonagall appreciated my help even if she didn't approve of the way I was with the Gryffindor's. She was old school, she thought I was too hands on. She thought I should have stayed in my own dormitory, not slept in the common room. I just wanted to be there for everyone, things were different after the fall of The Dark Lord and people were hurting. I wanted to try and protect, to soothe. I let you down that night because you were definitely hurting."

"I did something stupid."

"Don't we all? You stayed up all night, where you regretting it?"

"Yes and no. You were right about people hurting, I don't think I slept a complete nights sleep without being woken by either my own or someone else nightmares that year I came back. Hogwarts had always been a home away from home and then it wasn't. There was so much death and destruction, the ghosts wandering the corridors had multiplied with dead friends from the final battle, and even when the repairs had been finished and the students welcomed back, the older ones amongst us could remember the way it used to be before and see the stark differences. It wasn't home, the warmth had evaporated. We were just making the best of it, and that wasn't enough."

Hermione nodded, she felt it too. Hogwarts should have felt like a castle, impenetrable and safe. Only they all knew it hadn't been, and the suffering and loses had been extensive. It didn't do to dwell on it, only being at the school every day didn't help. It reminded you every minute, the heavy walls bearing down on her, she often had to stop and slow her own breathing in a quiet corridor so she didn't have a panic attack, remembering the fear she had pushed away as they all fought for their lives and the lives of everyone around them that mattered.

"Maybe I shouldn't have gone back, but I wanted to pass my last year. I wanted that time under Snape as Headmaster to mean something. If there was nothing to show for it, then the abuse we suffered, the pain, it would all be pointless. It would just be a horrid scar on my memories for nothing."

"I appreciated you being there, you and Neville really helped settle the nerves of the younger students. And you passed the year, surely it was worth it?"

Ever the teacher's pet Hermione looked at the achievements and the academic skills. Ginny was more like Harry and Ron, action and practical application rather than theory. But she appreciated Hermione trying to see a positive in that year they'd spent at Hogwarts.

"If I hadn't gone back, then I probably would still be ignorant, but that night changed me."

"How, what did you do Ginny? It can't have been that bad, if it had been magical you would have set off the triggers round Hogwarts. We all make mistakes, say things, hurt other people. Whatever you said or did, surely it was something you could apologise for and move on?"

"I shared a room with Vicky Frobisher you remember she tried out for the Quidditch team against Ron?"

Hermione nodded, not wanting to interrupt Ginny now she had started to talk.

"She woke up that night screaming from a nightmare, and I went over to her. She was in a real state, crying and shaking, and I got into bed with her to hold her, give her some kind of comfort."

Again Hermione nodded, she had held hands during the darkest parts of the nights and often had to let some of the younger children cry on her shoulder, especially the orphaned ones, during her year back at Hogwarts. It wasn't unusual, everyone sought comfort wherever it could be found.

"I stroked her hair, was telling her softly it would be alright and she calmed down just sniffling quietly to herself. Once she had calmed down I tried to leave, but she held onto me round my waist, shaking her head against my neck. And I let her, it was nice to feel useful, to know I was helping, I think I even took some comfort from it myself. Nights were hard back then, when it was dark and time passed so slowly."

Hermione had an idea where the conversation was going, Ginny wouldn't look her in the eye, she was grasping the empty tea mug tightly. Hermione grabbed 2 more clean cups and made the tea properly, filling the kettle from the sink and putting the tea bags in the mugs, her back to Ginny, allowing her time to gather herself and her thoughts.

"I don't know when her hands went from resting round my waist to caressing, or when her tears dried on my neck and were replaced with her lips. I just know I was engaged to Harry and I should have stopped it. And I didn't. I let her stroke my side, whisper how pretty I was in my ear, and when she kissed me, I kissed her back. Things got heated really quickly, we were alone in the room and it was a good job, because we were both moaning, her hands were so skilled, yet soft and the kisses deep and demanding. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt before."

Hermione placed a new mug of tea on the table, pulling the empty one free of hands that were clenched white. She spoke for the first time in several minutes, "Did you….?" She didn't need to finish the sentence, they both knew what she was referring to.

"Yes" The word came out strained and she felt like her face was on fire from embarrassment. Ginny looked up with haunted eyes. "Harry was meant to be my first, we were engaged. I don't know what happened that night, I just couldn't find the strength to stop. And Vicky, she was a year younger than me. I can't help but feel I took advantage of her. She was upset and I should have walked away when she kissed me, not carried on. I was the older and more experienced, I should have stopped it."

"Ginny, I don't think you took advantage of her, from what you told me she initiated it. She knew what she wanted, I'm sure there were opportunities to stop if she felt uncomfortable. Do you think she was uncomfortable?"

With a shake of her head, red curls swaying she answered, "No, she fell asleep after, curled into my side. It's what scared me the most, how relaxed and normal it felt."

"Then I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of. She wanted it, you gave her comfort and made her feel better. She did try out for the Quidditch Team, she was always into sports. I don't mean to stereotype, but I think she knew quite a while ago she liked girls. You didn't corrupt her or force her into anything she didn't want to do."

"Once she was asleep I was able to disentangle myself and I escaped into the other room. I sat downstairs for hours, I was hardly dressed but didn't feel the cold, I just kept thinking about Harry and how it would tear him up to know I'd been unfaithful. Everyone would be disappointed if we broke up, how I'd managed to mess everything up because I'd been weak. And the way I could still clench my legs together and feel the warmth flow through me, reminding me I'd been satisfied, it just made everything worse, because I had enjoyed it, I'd touched her back and enjoyed the way she moaned my name." Ginny's eyes were shining, a blush from the memory sat on her cheeks as she licked her dry lips.

The older woman asked gently, "So you decided to pretend it hadn't happened? You didn't tell anyone else?"

"How could I? I was scared. I told myself it was a mistake, and when I could see Vicky again I told her too. She took it surprisingly well, a knowing smile on her face. It was only as I have grown older and spent more time analysing myself and started to think about things, I know why she smiled at me like that. She knew even before I did."

"You're bi-sexual?" It was a statement, not a question, no hint of judgement and Ginny felt relieved.

"Earlier when you were stood in just the shirt, it wasn't you I was admiring, just the shape of your body. The softness of a woman, the tone of her thighs, the way her breath catches when excited or nervous, the flush on a chest, breasts straining against a button up shirt. I enjoy that, and then realise I mustn't. I'm married and try to keep my thoughts and furtive glances to myself. Yes I am attracted to Women, but I can't follow it through, so I need to accept the good life I have."

"You know living a lie doesn't work, don't you?" Hermione thought about Draco's eyes looking into hers as she straddled him, his hands running through her hair she had grown out again, love and lust looking at her, so different from the way her husband looked at her these days.

"I've managed well enough for ten years, Harry doesn't need to know. I've been faithful ever since, I thought then I was a confused teenager and it was a one off or a phase, now I know it isn't it doesn't change anything."

"Don't you think we deserve to be happy Ginny?" Hermione asked the question, desperately wanting her friend to agree.

"Not at everyone else's expense Hermione. We do what is right, what is good. We made commitments, vows. And you know that people look to us to lead the Wizarding world, to set the example, because of who we are and what we did. We are adults now and know how to behave. And it won't kill us to honour them, Ron loves you, even you admit that. Harry loves me. Our lives have never been easy, we have always had to fight, to sacrifice. This is just another one of those situations."

"But I'm tired of sacrifice, tired of living up to someone else's ideal. I want to do something that makes me happy and the consequences be damned!" Ginny felt the other woman's frustration, she knew it well, when Harry kissed her slowly and reverently, with his stubbled chin pressing against her, and all she wanted was a heated passionate kiss with someone with fair skin and long flowing hair. But they had made their decisions.

"When I was growing up in the muggle world, we used to say, _"If only we had a magic wand, we could wave it and fix everything"_ but I know that isn't true. I have more magic than I know what to do with, I have a wand, and I can't fix any of this. I'm no better off now that if I was still a muggle." The older woman sighed dejectedly.

"Maybe the situation doesn't need fixing, it is learning acceptance? I know I have to accept I am attracted to women, but staying with Harry is what makes sense, he is the father of my children, and mostly I can do that. It is only when I can't sleep at night that I think about that night in the dormitory and everyone has memories they can't forget. Things they know they shouldn't have done. If I act on this, destroying my family, am I any better than the people we fought, the cowards and selfish people who aligned themselves with The Dark Lord? They did what was easy, rather than what was right, and I'd be doing the same."

Hermione shook her head, "You were always the best of us Ginny. It is why Harry fell for you. I wish I had your strength of character, your belief. Thank you for trusting me and listening to me. I hope you feel better for being able to finally be yourself with someone. Will you be coming tomorrow for Ron's proper party? I won't invite Vicky Frobisher and her girlfriend." Hermione winked at the red head whose mouth had fallen open.

"You're joking?" She choked out.

"Only about inviting her, we don't move in the same circles. She does have a girlfriend. So believe me when I say I don't think you influenced her sexuality."

"How could I not know?" Ginny was trying to come to terms with the new information.

"Because I think you shut out anything to do with her after that night. It was to protect yourself and enforce the decision you had made. And you and Harry live very busy lives, 2 children, The Weasley family's very large and growing all the time, they take up your time. I guess it isn't too hard when life is so hectic to continue to pretend. I hope it is the right decision for you Ginny, I really do."

"And Draco? What are you going to do?"

"Continue to be very careful. I at least am not married to Harry Potter, I can't begin to comprehend the pressure that creates. I think Ron and I might continue to drift apart, if we were to divorce it wouldn't shock the world so badly. He is my friend, and if I can talk to him, I think he'd want me to be happy. It is a conversation to be had on another day, probably another year, because you are right, it will hurt the kids and hurt Ron and I'm not ready to do that just yet."

"I pray for all our sakes that you don't get caught before you have that conversation."

"So do I." and with a rueful smile Hermione collected up the empty mugs and set the sink to fill, turning away with tears in her eyes. She didn't want to make the decision, but she was tired of the lies. The tears were for long overdue, seventeen years really. Hermione shut her eyes to stem the flow and inhaled a shaky breath because behind her closed lids she could still see the memory of a young girl who grinned at her with excitement from underneath a sorting hat. So much promise and such a bright future.


End file.
